1 year aniversary

Typically, 1 year anniversaries are a time for celebration. However, today marks the 1 year anniversary since my Brother (in law) killed himself. This whole week has been really rough for me. The pain that he was in was inexplicable, but the pain that his death has caused his family has been unbearable at times. I have struggled with this death so much because it was so traumatic and sudden. I have been angry that this could have happened at all, and that his children (my niece and nephew) are going to have to grow up without him around. I have been angry that my sister (his wife) had to go through the delivery of their son without him, and has to raise their kids on her own. But today I want to try to dwell on all of the happy memories that I had with my brother, and not the dreadful day last year.

Scott was an awesome husband and daddy. I loved watching him with my sister and niece. His role in my life, though, was big brother. He had watched me grow up. He came to almost all of my basketball games for years, played games with me, talked to me, protected me and looked out for me. I looked up to him so much, and that may have been part of the reason that I also married a man named Scott.

Scott, you were an amazing brother, and support for me. I wish that we could have ended your pain without you having to take your life. The legacy that you have left behind is incredible, and I will always be proud to call you my brother. I pray that you are now resting peacefully in the arms of Jesus. Monet thinks that you and Papa are probably playing basketball up there together. Someday we will meet again without the pains of this earth. I love you!

Twins?

I have been asked quite frequently lately if Monet and Paxton are twins. They are getting so close in size, it is scary. Paxton officially has bigger feet and hands than Monet who is 17 months older than he is. He is only about an inch shorter than her, and they really do look an awful lot a like. People often expect more out of Paxton than he is really capable of right now because he is so tall and looks older than 2. He is about 40" tall and Monet 41". There are as close as can be. I often tell people that they are the best of friends, they are great at playing together, but they are also really great at fighting. Here are some of my favorite pictures of them together.

I LOVE everything!!

Life raising two toddlers can be super busy, stressful, messy, you get the point. My husband and I have tried to make both of our kids know how equally important they are to us, and part of our way of doing that is by spending one on one time with them. These are some of the sweetest moments that make all of the mess and stress seem OK. As I was putting Paxton to bed last night, he decided that he was going to tell me all of the things that he loves. He is a lover anyways, just a total sweetheart, but had never told me about all of the things that he loves. He started with his room, his bed, his pillow, his Buzz and Woody blanket, his stickers, his cars, running, painting, brushing his teeth, then he moved on to people. He said I love my mommy, I love my Daddy, I love Monet, I love Grammy, I love Jada, Nana, Bumpa, Leslie, Aunt Nell, Sophia, and on and on till he had named all of the people that he loves. Then he looked at me, and told me, I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your cheek, I love your other cheek, I love your mouth, I love your neck, I love you chin, etc. This loving went on for at least 10 minutes. I was so enjoying hearing about all of the toys that he loved, his friends, things he loves to do. It was so sweet to get a glimpse into my little man's heart. When he was done, I told him, I love you soo much, thank you for sharing all of the things you love with me!! Then I said, it's time to go to sleep now. His reaction... I HATE the sleep!! I couldn't help but giggle.

Locked in the bathroom

I tried to take a bath the other day while the kids were playing and dad was supervising. I locked myself in the bathroom with my laptop to do some homework/relax (how do you like that combo? lol). I was able to get some moments of quiet in, but soon both of my children were banging on the door and insisting that I had taken a long enough bath and should get out now. I "gently encouraged them" to go play with daddy and let mommy relax. They continued to knock and yell at me through the door. They did finally walk away for about a minute. During that minute I had a thought that made me smile. My kids really love me. It seems like a silly thought, but it wasn't to me in that moment. I think that, at times, I get overwhelmed with life and all of my responsibilities. Every moment I am with my children, I am doing things for them. When I am not with them, I am thinking about them and still doing things for them... It is easy to feel a little unappreciated as a mom of toddlers... (sigh) I am making a pledge to think differently about the times when I am feeling overwhelmed and bombarded by my kids. Don't get me wrong, I still think that breaks are good and very important, but I am going to remember each time I hear "MOMMY" yelled from the top of their lungs, that they love me and some day I know I am going to miss it!



As moms I think that we need breaks from taking care of the kids, doing housework, working, being a wife, etc. But the best part about taking a break is the hugs you get when you return. All of the chaos is worth it when you see their shining smiles and arms outstretched in love.

The Craziness has begun!

My life is officially nuts!!! I am loving it, but feeling a little stressed at times too! Right now I am squeezing in the time to write this as I sit at my desk at work before I need to go pick up the kids from school/daycare. I am taking 16 credit hours of psychology courses this term as well as working and volunteering. It is all very interesting to me, but it is a TON of work. Some updates on my silly toddlers...





Monet is back at school on the campus where I attend school. She absoultely loves it! She gets excited to play with all of her friends and to paint! She absolutely LOVES to paint. She did a painting the other day with "M" painted on it! It was really good! She is getting better and better at writing and spelling her name, and is interested in learning how to spell more and more words. One of her favorite things to do with me is sing, what I call the spelling song. I use the tune to BINGO and spell words that are important to her. It is fun! I am sure I may sound a little odd to other people driving as I am singing and spelling words down the street, but that is ok. On another note, she has figured out how to stand on her head up against a wall, and can even push up to a headstand which I found to be pretty impressive.





Paxton... my sweet little boy is getting picked on at school, and is not enjoying it very much. He is our quiet and shy one, and it is taking him a while to adjust to the new environment. I am praying that he will be able to make at least one friend that he can play with this week. It just breaks my heart to leave him screaming and crying so that I can make it to my classes on time. His teacher says that he is sooo well behaved and never causes any problems, but he is having a hard time making friends and is getting picked on by some of the older kids because he will just take it and not say anything. :( On a more positive note, Paxton is officially potty-trained!!! He went all 5 days at school last week without a single accident! He is now in underwear at school. I am anxious to hear if he had another dry day today!! :)





The things that light up your day once you are a mom is comical at times. I find joy and excitement in the thought that my kids could go a day without peeing on themselves! :)